I'll be graduating from college in May of this year. I'm a little frightened. Granted, I have great plans, exciting plans, plans of relaxation, excitement, peace, serenity, and TIME, glorious beautiful personal TIME!!!
However, I'm still a little shaken up about the whole thing. I keep telling myself that it should be fine, no big deal. To be honest, I'm quite ready for it. I'm beginning to feel like I felt my Senior Year in high School - I'm just fricken through with all the BS (something the world is full of). I'm ready for a change, I'm itching for change.
With that there have been some other changes. My group of friends is begnning to morph. I'm trying to bring some new people into it- shake it up a little. (my newest, and currently favorite is AJR... a hilliarious and exciting individual). Also - I'm contemplating a move into a new location to acquire some new space (current room mate, if you are reading this - we will talk about this on Monday Night). Also, I've ended a more than three year relationship with AHS. While the relationship was rewarding and defining of more than three years, I feel confident it was the best decision to make. In the end, we were different people, with different expectations of a very different future. I think we were simply lying to each other of a continued hope in the relationship. Therfore, BAM it is gone.
So, ENDING, CHANGING, TWISTING, my life is full of tribulation right now. GOSH I LOVE IT.
I just feel like things need to be mixed up, changed around. The past four years I've tried so hard to "fit the mold" to "please others" etc. Now I'm ready for change, I'm ready to be more of myself, more of an individual.
I've always spoken theoretically - I didn't care of other's thoughts about me, peoples antics, and individuals' Bull SHit. Now, I really don't care, I don't want to care, I'm too old to care, and I just don't freaking simply any more give any amount of fricking CARE!!! SO GO AWAY, be gone, don't cry to me, don't whine, get over it, move it, and say freaking good bye. I don't care about how you feel about me if I am too mean, to nice, to full of myself, to cocky, whatever.
I'm confident, so what. This is a full package baby - and you get what you get.
(While there is much to say about all of the fabulous things about me, I won't sit here and relish in them, I'll let others share with you about them... ) :-P
Never the less, thanks for baring through that, I just needed to type/scream.
The point is, I'm too tired of fitting in a box and fulfilling expectations. It is time for me to set the goals and to fulfill my own expectations. Everyone else can get over it, you no longer have a vote or say in my life. That is - it is MY LIFE.
So they are now my expecations - something I will soon share.
Expect Nothing!
6 comments:
I think the scariest thought for me is how the amount of opportunities for redefining one's self slowly fade to never. When you're two, you can re-invent yourself every four days if you really want to. Every two years of high school seems about right. Graduation - ok. College graduation another. What happens after that? You better know pretty damn well who you are after that last opportunity because you're stuck with it for a while. And hopefully whoever that is can be compatible with some other human being on the earth or else you'll be one of those old codgers with 90 cats.
I wrote my own blog in the comments page on your blog...my bad.
~ Aaron
Aaron- Good comment, but I think with enough effort, the world is big enough to re-invent yourself as many times as needed, perhaps, this is the secret to immortality.
Best - K!
Gosh, more deleted comments than non-deleted ones. Sorry guys.
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